When Reconciliation Does Not Work

Two messages in the last month and a half have addressed the topic of reconciliation (Peace in the Blended Family, Advent - Peace) in which I urged people to move towards relationships that have been damaged with a heart for peace. My great concern in addressing this topic is the ease in which Christians today discard or push away from a relationship without the necessary effort to reconcile and work through differences. They will talk to others about their grievances but not to the right people and then distance is created and hard feelings linger. No matter how painful it is to sort through the wreckage, I believe God is greatly glorified by healed relationships. It testifies to the reconciling God of the gospel.

Nevertheless, there are instances where reconciliation between parties may not work. Consider the follow examples...

• A sexually abusive father towards his teenage daughter - Though she will need to release her desire for taking her own vengeance (Rom. 12:19; 1 Pet. 2:23), and forgive her father when he asks repentantly (Mt. 18:21-35), reconciliation of the relationship may never occur especially if the father is impenitent.
  
• A destructive family member - There are situations within families where a member will choose a destructive path in drug abuse, physical abuse, alcoholism, or repeated infidelity that will make reconciliation impossible...or at least until they stop. The manipulative nature of their lifestyles may make separation necessary until they are penitent.
  
• A malicious co-worker - There are some people who are just down-right dangerous and must be guarded against. If they are bent on destroying you, precautions must be made. However, most people have reasons for their aggressions and if you can ascertain the reason, you might be able to reconcile.
  

If we find ourselves in a situation that seems irreconcilable, let us follow the Lord's instruction:

• Be at peace with all men so far as you are able (Rom. 12:14-18). Do everything in your power to reconcile with them. Eliminate offenses that you have caused!
  
• "Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you." (Luke 6:27-28). I believe Jesus said these things to people who find themselves in a irreconcilable situation. Even in that case, He give us some things to do.

May God grant us divine wisdom to discern the right coarse of action and divine love to make reconciliation possible. "To Him to the glory in the church..." (Eph. 3:21).