When was the last time you left an argument with a spouse, child, parent, or friend thinking, “I make myself so mad!”? I don’t know about you, but I’m not sure I can remember when that last happened, or if it ever has. My inclination is to trace the root of my anger to the flaw of another. Something that they did or did not do produced anger in me. It seems perfectly logical, therefore, to say that had they not done what produced an angry response in me, then I would have never become mad.
As I read from James 4:1 this morning I was reminded of my sinful inclinations and logic: “What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you?” James will not side with us in placing the blame for our anger on another, for he says that the source of our fighting is our pleasures, our delights, our enjoyments. What he means is that each of us has those things that we hold dear because we think that our happiness is to be found in them (e.g., having a restful evening in front of the T.V., not being embarrassed in front of peers by our child’s behavior, not having to do homework, having a friend let our sin go unconfronted), and when somebody becomes an obstacle to our enjoyment, we get angry and fight for our pleasure.
The real issue behind our unrighteous anger isn’t so much the obstacle to our happiness (i.e., spouse, child, parent, friend) but rather our misplaced hope in circumstances to bring us satisfaction. So, the next time you walk away from a quarrel be sure to pray in repentance to the Lord, “God, I make me so angry. I seek to find my happiness in circumstances instead of You. Forgive me for my misplaced hope, and help me to love you more than __________ (identify the source of contention) so that when it is withheld from me I remain satisfied in you and, therefore, kind toward my spouse/child/parent/friend.
